I was at the gym and a father in his mid 30’s made some casual conversation.
We briefly talked a bit about nutrition and different strategies to lose fat.
He laughed and said:
“ah, but we’re past that. We’re parents now!”
I told him, “you’re wrong, this is the time we have to try our best to stay healthy and look presentable.”
He kind of gave me a funny look. But that comment was just so…sad.
It’s amazing how when we become parents we just “let go”.
We stop looking out for our health, appearance, ambitions, goals and solely and only focus on our children. We use them as a crutch, as an excuse as to why we can’t get anything done for ourselves physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Now listen, our children come first. ALWAYS.
But this doesn’t mean you forget about not only taking care of yourself, but your own goals and ambitions!
This is the time, no matter how hard, you try your best to charge forward to be the best version you can be not only for yourself, but for your children.
And we know parenting is TOUGH.
Why is parenting so hard?
Parenting is hard because of our love for our children. Our love puts them first, always, and leaves our own needs, emotions, and ambitions many times unmet and unfulfilled.
Most childless adults don’t have the demand of taking care of another human life 24 hours, 7 days a week and pouring most, if not all, of their financial, emotional, physical and mental efforts into them.
This is why self care for parents is so important. But before we discuss further on why self care is so important for parents. What exactly is self care?
What is self care?
You can scour the internet for definitions of what self care is. The WHO describes it mostly as looking after your health, maintaining it, and preventing disease.
But self care, and especially self care for parents, is much more than that.
Self care is looking out not only for your health, but your mental and emotional well being as well, and doing things daily to keep those elements of yourself functioning at a stable and rewarding level.
Self care is an overall and general feeling of satisfaction in three domains of your life:
- Physical
- Mental
- Emotional
Below are some examples of things we can do to fulfill self care needs in those domains.
Read on for more on exactly the types of activities that can promote good self care in all these domains.
Why is self care important for parents?
Self care is important for parents because, unlike childless adults, our mental, physical, and emotional needs are constantly put on the wayside for the greater needs of our children. Self care will keep our well being in check so we can be better people for ourselves and our families.
Sometimes these needs get pushed so far away, we forget to tend to them and this leads us to not be our best selves, or the best parents we can be.
Think about the feeling when you feel you have no time for yourself, running after the kids, taking them to activities, doing their homework, stopping their sibling quarrels, trying to find engaging activities, making sure they eat, sleep, have good hygiene, are healthy…you get overwhelmed and past the point of exhaustion.
What happens then? What happens when parents don’t get a break and practice self care?
You can start being short with your kids. Maybe go off on them more than usual.
You might get a bit lazier tending to their needs.
You can become resentful about parenthood.
Your health can become comprised because you don’t pay attention to it.
You can have feelings of unfulfilled dreams, goals and ambitions.
All these things can lead to Parental Burnout.
Parental Burnout being defined as being exhausted, mentally and physically, by the duties and responsibilities that come with parenting.
Taking care of your mental, physical, and emotional well being as a parent will benefit not only you, but your kids.
A study on Maternal Stress, Sleep and Parenting demonstrated how stressed out moms due to lack of sleep and other factors, were more prone to less positive and more harsh parenting.
When you think of Self Care, it can sound selfish, but just realize that as long as you love your kids and do the best you can for them, taking care of yourself will benefit them just as much as it benefits you. Maybe even more so.
Self Care Tips/Activities for Parents
Now that we have gone over why self care is so important for parents, here are some self care activities and tips you can start incorporating to be a better you and thus a better parent to your children:
Exercise
As cliche as it sounds, exercise is one of the best tools we have to combat stress. Studies have shown exercise to decrease anxiety, stress and help in depression.
The benefits of exercise aren’t only mental.
When you exercise for better health and in turn improve your body composition, you feel more comfortable in your skin, more confident, and this all leads to a better mental outlook on everything you do in life.
Exercise keeps me grounded, and helps me be a better father to my children and I am 100% sure it will do the same for you.
We understand it can be hard as a busy, working parent but that’s what Parenting and Dumbbells is all about. Helping parents balance fitness, life and parenting to be the best version they can be for themselves and their family.
Read our article on 6 Ways you Can Stay Fit as a Parent for tips and tricks to help you on your fitness journey and contact us at parentingandumbbells@gmail.com if you need help setting up a nutrition and training program that fits your life and goals!
Journaling
This may sound like niche way to relieve stress, but journaling has helped me tremendously. I try and sit every night and every morning and go over my journal.
What should you have in your journal?
Whatever you feel keeps your mind and mental well being organized.
I like to try and schedule responsibilities I have to get done, month to month, week to week and day to day to keep me accountable and not forgetting anything important.
But if you are already a naturally organized person, it can be a journal where you write thoughts and feelings you just want to put out there. Sometimes just writing things out can make you come to realizations you never realized and provided a clearer head space by decluttering your head.
Traveling With Your Spouse (or even a solo trip)
It kills me to leave my little ones, for any time, with anyone and go on a trip without them. And while we as parents do it very very seldomly, you and your spouse need this sometimes.
It is ok to spend some time away from the kids at least once a year or so. A time to just focus not only on you and your spouse, but on yourself as well.
Getting up when you want to, worrying about feeding yourself, doing activities you want to do without worrying about a bedtime, or preparing dinner, or scraping peanut butter off your ceiling because your son wanted to see if it would stick.
One thing we will always advise is that when you do travel, please make sure whoever is watching your children is well vetted, well trusted, and has the best interest of your children on the forefront of their mind.
Always take your children’s safety with paranoia and as seriously as possible. Here some other Vital Safety Tips and Rules all kids should be aware of.
Find time for yourself
Yes, we said it. Find time for yourself.
Ok, ok, you can stop laughing.
We know first hand this is almost impossible, but when you do have time to yourself, take it.
Try not to take all the time you may have simply doing house chores or errands.
Do what’s most important and any left over time sit down. Have a cup of coffee with a book, or your favorite television show. Go for a walk, take a nice bath. Just do something that YOU WANT TO DO and relaxes you.
Sometimes we take the down time we may get and spend it in ways that don’t help us unwind and relax.
One of my favorite things to do when my kids go to bed is have a nice meal.
Parent tip: If you have young kids, you have to try to have your real dinner without them.
You see, we have dinner with our kids, but we don’t actually eat our “real” dinner.
We may have a salad, or something small, but with a 5 and 6 year old things can get crazy at the dinner table and we really do love food and actually enjoying it without playing referee. So we spend that time snacking, while they eat their dinner, and we talk, play games, read books etc.
Then after they are in bed, my wife and I will enjoy our “real” dinner in peace, without anyone losing their minds over the wrong color macaroni noodle.
Don’t feel guilty about being everywhere all the time
It’s important to support our kids, be involved, and, for the most part, be at their activities, sports, school events etc, but don’t feel like if you miss a few you are a “bad parent” or that they will think less of you.
Kids are more resilient than you think. They notice if you care, love them, and support them. You can show up to all the games and events you want, but if you’re not really “there” that is worst than if you are at those events half the time, but when you are there you are fully invested in them and what they are doing.
My son plays baseball, and I can’t always be there because of work obligations. So I make it a point to at least go for half of his practice, and practice with him on my days off when I am able to.
I can come home and get three hours of sleep, but 90% of the time I will get up just to spend time with my kids before they go to school because it is important for me to be present with them everyday, BUT…there have been times when I don’t get up…and that is ok.
Just love, support them, and truly connect with them and that in it of itself will go a long way.
Prioritize Sleep
I know…another funny one!
We are on a roll here!
But seriously, do anything you can to make sure you get adequate sleep.
Studies have shown time and time again that sleep deprived parents tend to parent less positively.
Sleep also helps us focus, it helps our mood, and take on the day ahead.
Don’t listen to the 8 hour sleep rule.
We are parents, 8 hours is a luxury childless adults don’t understand they have. If you can get 8 hours do it, if not, just find the amount you feel “good” at. That can range anywhere from 6-8 hours for most people.
Watch Your Diet
Your diet affects your mood and your overall feeling of wellbeing.
Make sure you are drinking plenty of water and following a flexible diet full of nutrient dense foods to have your body and mind feeling and performing optimally.
Some awesome foods that help you stay mentally and physically sharp are below:
Treat yourself
Want some new clothes? A new gadget?
Budgeting is hard with a family, but after your kids and household are taken care off, treat yourself to something you want when you are able to afford it.
You deserve it. Most parents do.
We spend all of our time forgetting about ourselves to focus on our little ones. While that is a beautiful sacrifice, it is ok to splurge on ourselves here and there when financially feasible.
In conclusion, being a parent is not a reason to “let yourself go”. This isn’t about shaming a group, we are parents ourselves. This is about helping a group of people who shape our world’s futures by the little people they raise. It’s about letting the most powerful group of people (parents) know that they can still raise their kids and take care of themselves, follow their dreams and ambitions, and feel like they matter.
It also goes beyond YOU.
Your children are watching. Self Care is just as much about them as it is about you. It will make you a better, more patient, and loving parent and they will learn to practice self care themselves.
Thanks for your blog, nice to read. Do not stop.